I wear makeup when I am happy and confident, ipso facto, I am not unhappy with my appearance.

Nars Audacious Lipstick in Lana

My early twenties were years of university, hard work and naivety. I'm sure most of you have been there, working towards a goal post, not for happiness but for abstract reasons shaped by society. Burning out is common amongst many of us but what comes after is shocking for all. The depths of depression consume a once ambitious young person, their plates stop spinning, and life comes crashing to the ground.

The entrapment of self. 
It imprisons all emotion and engenders an environment of pain and self loathing. 
Desolate and despondent 
are the words which come to mind. 

Many a time I felt abandoned, at the bottom of a well, unable to see the light. It took all strength to believe that there was a world out there, somewhere. After countless sessions of therapy, and the love and support from my family, I was able to shift my view of recovery from a linear, upwards battle in to a simple, forwards facing path with temporary obstacles blocking my way.

Whilst my path is ever unfolding, my illness, along with life, will throw twists, turns and painful obstructions my way. However, with each overcome obstacle, my strength grows. The darkness that once surrounded me falls further away. There is light again, and I can begin to feel once more. . It's like meeting an old friend, shy at first but a warm familiarity. Wanting to own this new sense of self, I reached for a lipstick. An old friend. Let's just say, you know your life has been hard when you haven't reached for your customary bright lipstick. Eight months into the year and I finally felt whole enough to express myself, to paint myself with love and joy. It had marked a new awakening, I was flexing my limbs after a long slumber. 

To make oneself up does not mean to wear a mask of insecurity. At my darkest hour, I did not feel human, I did not care. 

Joy is colour,
 it is incandescent. 

Confidence is worn without foundation or blush, happiness is worn with just a smile. But we can enhance these powerful emotions, we can set them ablaze with the stroke of a brush. 

This is my first lipstick of 2018. 
This is my renaissance. 
This is me, for the first time in months. 
This is a snapshot of my journey.

 Nars Audacious Lipstick* available at Selfridges for £26.

*affiliate link used (if you buy through this link I will receive a small commission from the product, without any cost or change to you the buyer, which helps support this blog).

1 comment

  1. So Beautifully written, what an insight into what you’ve been going through. Glad to see the joyous, colourful You returning xx



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